We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize