i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You need a sexual gate keeper
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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