dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
