The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
