If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
