We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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