All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
