Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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