hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize