Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
