Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
