is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
