dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
