Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
