Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
