Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
