Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
