The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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