Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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