Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
