Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
