I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
