Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
