A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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