So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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