she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
