Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
