He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
