My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I take back everything I said about communal showers
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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