How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
