She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
