Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
