I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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