just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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