I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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