Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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