If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
