i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
one might say we're banned from that church
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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