You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
