I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
