I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
