No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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