Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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