a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
