It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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