some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
