If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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