Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
