Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
