Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
