he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
