Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
worst night to have a conscience
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
