if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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