I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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