i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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