Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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