I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
