Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
