Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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