I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You are a genius and a whore.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
