Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
