trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
