Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
