I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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