I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
