i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
