She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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