Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
