i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
