So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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