shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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