Your tits are I can't wait for
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
