my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
