shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
