How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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