the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
