i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
